Special Guest Expert - Brigitta and Christian Hoeferle: Video automatically transcribed by Sonix

Special Guest Expert - Brigitta and Christian Hoeferle: this mp4 video file was automatically transcribed by Sonix with the best speech-to-text algorithms. This transcript may contain errors.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
How many times have you said to yourself, I'm going to succeed? And yet you keep coming up short? You probably noticed that high achievers with heart do things differently, but you just can't put your finger on it. You're curious about why high achievers accomplish more and have more satisfying relationships. It's because success is the result of your mindset and the consistent actions you take. This show is designed with your success in mind by revealing these powerful patterns of our dynamic individuals and guest experts, you can model what they do and apply to your future success now. Let's roll up our sleeves and get started. My name is Brigitta Hoeferle and this is the Success Patterns Show. And it is that time again for the Success Pattern Show because we are bringing you the golden nuggets. Success patterns are more valuable than ideas. Let me explain. Ideas, while very powerful, require trial and error. A lot of time to put into action. Just think about manufacturing. First you have an idea, then a proof of concept, then a working prototype, then small production batches, and finally full scale production. This takes months, maybe even years. And you may have met some people who are collectors of ideas, but they do little else. Forget everything you heard about ideas. You're not looking for ideas. You are looking for success patterns. Success patterns are different. Success patterns are better. Why? Well, success patterns are proven. Have a logical sequence of steps to follow, have an action imperative, and deliver consistent results. In today's content rich program, you're going to learn valuable success patterns. And we are here again the very dynamic duo of Christian Hefele and Birgitta Hefele. Thank you, Christian, for being here.

Christian Hoeferle:
Well, I'm so tickled that I am still allowed back.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Well, we will we will allow you back many times over. So as you can tell, in order to have a lasting relationship, humor and fun is a big, big part of it. Would you agree?

Christian Hoeferle:
Well, I don't know. I've never been called humorous, so. Oh, that's.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Not even true.

Christian Hoeferle:
We ask our daughters, they will tell you.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Oh, yeah, Well, you know, dad jokes are not necessarily funny, although I do giggle sometimes. And you know what? We're going on 22 years now, aren't we? If you say so. Yeah. June, June 30th will be or June 29th and June 30th. I'm going to I'm going to count both days will be 22 years. Holy cow of.

Christian Hoeferle:
Marriage.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Of marriage. Yes. Not of.

Christian Hoeferle:
Relationship.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
That's true. That's true. So we we come to you. As you know, some people call us power couple. I mean, we have power and we're a couple. Uh, dynamic duo is another word. You know, we can put all sorts of labels.

Christian Hoeferle:
I'm Batman and you're Robin or No, the dynamic duo. No.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
I don't know, I. I don't know. I don't even know what that means. But we people have asked us individually and jointly, you know, what's your secret to a healthy relationship? And we have now been on the Success Pattern Show with the dynamic duo, for lack of a better term right now. Um, to give you what we have to share with you, how it works for us and quite frankly. It's not always pretty.

Christian Hoeferle:
No, it's not.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
But it is.

Christian Hoeferle:
The beauty is working through the stuff that's not pretty. In order to. Restore the beauty that we've been seeing each other.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Beautifully said. He's a poet, for sure. I'll keep you around.

Christian Hoeferle:
End of that joker.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
And a dad. Joker and the wordsmith, for sure. So, you know, last time we talked about well-formed outcomes, um, Christian well-formed outcomes, glorified goals.

Christian Hoeferle:
Now, we don't need to glorify anything. Think well-formed outcomes are goals that are defined well and that they they come with intentional action and they come with accountability and they come with a clearly defined. Outcome in mind.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
So we talked about well-formed outcomes. We talked also about once you have a well-formed outcome that we then what?

Christian Hoeferle:
Agree on something.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
That's right. Yeah, we do. We agree. Well, sometimes we agree to disagree.

Christian Hoeferle:
In a relationship. In our relationship, we found that even though we sometimes might not be in agreement on details, we usually come to an agreement on the bigger outline of what it is we want our relationship to be or what we want our family goals to be. And let's say getting time off has been one of our joint goals for many years and we have clear intentions about how we go about this, how we schedule it over the course of a year and where these vacations take us. Now, do we always agree on the destination and the duration? We don't. And yet we make sure that we fit it into our schedule and that we satisfy each other's desires about time off while we've been. Privileged and. Content in visiting some of the big urban centers in the world that I have been interested in, I continue to be interested in. You've made it clear to me just recently that, hey, we've done city trips quite a bit. Now I want some beach and palm trees. Can we do that? And yes, we can. And we might not always have the same ideal outcome. However, in the greater scheme of things, what matters to us is we need time off. We need time with each other. We need time to pull the plug and refocus and recharge. Well, recharge with unplugging doesn't work, but re-energize you get my drift. So we can do this in multiple ways. So yes, we sometimes disagree on the details and we are clear on what our common big goals are and what is the roof under which we can place some of the different ideas we have or goals we have.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
I want to give the listeners and the viewers a little bit of insight of how I, you know, Christian talks about going, this is our time off. We have businesses together, we have our own businesses. We do things together. Like we're doing it right now. We do things jointly in business. We do things jointly within the family, and we do things individually. Like I like I love going to the gym. I do that by myself. Christian loves to ride his bike often. He does that by himself. We come together and we have dinners together with jointly with our daughters when they're in town or with our daughter that is just about to go off to college. So we we we love to have that time together. And it's also we also have an agreement that it's cool to take time for our individual self, right? So Christian and I and the family and our businesses at the end of the year, at the end of every year, we do something that is called a mind board. And it is not a vision board because I personally come from that belief. A vision board is just where you it's like, you know, arts and crafts. You cut out some random pictures and paste them.

Christian Hoeferle:
On a collage.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Yeah make a collage of just random stuff that you might or might not even want. A mind board is really thinking about it. What is it that I am creating in this new year? What is it that I want? What is it that I want in my business? What is it that I want in my personal life? What is it that I want? My relationships with my family in my health and wellness, all of these things that I truly am not just dream about but truly am creating. And in our last mind board that Christian did and I did. We then look at it. We check in with each other and I see that Christian's idea of vacationing for this year is doing more city trips, and my idea of vacationing is doing more, going to the beach, having a little umbrella drink in your hand and, you know, put up my feet and maybe read a book and get a really nice tan. That's my definition of vacation.

Christian Hoeferle:
So the common ground we found is we all go to the mountains now.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
No, because it's cold. Then I'm not going to cold. So if we would not check in with each other and really talk about, So what is it that you're creating for 20, 23? You know, and we're we're part into the year now. And what is it that I'm creating for 2023, My personal goals, my business goals? If we would not be checking in, he would be going in that direction and I would be going in this direction. Eventually we'd be like, Hey, what are you doing over there?

Christian Hoeferle:
I'm in the.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
City, but I want to be at the beach by so we have done I, I loved that Christian. Uh, realize that he wants to do more city trips and actually voiced it and wrote it down. So we went to New York. We went to Chicago. Oh, we went to Chicago. Did we go to Canada? Not yet. You did? No, I.

Christian Hoeferle:
Did. You did?

Brigitta Hoeferle:
I didn't. Yeah, So we did several city trips. And that's what Christian said earlier. I said, okay, we've done some city trips. Can we please go to the beach Now?

Christian Hoeferle:
The question is not, hey, what's the best vacation spot? The question is, how do you, as a couple come to an agreement that reconciles somewhat different interests under an umbrella, under one roof that satisfies both of you? And that sometimes means you will do the dreaded word of compromising. You satisfy your. Well, for some people, the word compromise is a dreaded word because it means they have to give up on something. I think I look at the word compromise a different way. I'm not giving up anything. I am gaining something new that I would have not chosen myself. So while I would have chosen for myself the visiting all the big museums and architectural sites and whatnot in major cities that I'm interested in, I would have not. Envisioned. Imagine for myself how relaxing and rejuvenating a beach vacation can be. Right? So I'm not giving up on anything. It's bringing together different ideas and reconciling what appears to be differences under an agreement that serves both of us.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
So. So that's on the personal side, right? And finding out when I can be respectful and actually find joy into what Christian likes to do, then what do you think Christian is going to do? I mean, you literally did it. You went.

Christian Hoeferle:
Reciprocate Yeah.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
And you found this really cool beach spot that we've both never been to. And we probably get to experience the city that we haven't experienced before going to that beach.

Christian Hoeferle:
But it requires that agreement. It requires this. Contract, if you will, or this foundation between two people that they are sometimes subsiding or suspending their own individual interest for the common interest, which is making both of us happy. You can have it all if all means something that is the sum total of our interests and not just my interest and your interest. And now we're doing what you want. And then tomorrow we'll do what I want. That's pity. That's. You can.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Like that voice that you.

Christian Hoeferle:
Made. Yeah. That's my sandbox voice. Right. So we're adults. I think of us as adults. And you are too. If you're in a relationship and it does not have to be this give and take, it can be complementary. It can be based on the foundation of an agreement. We have an emotional connection. We love each other. We plan our future together or we envision a future that ideally entails some planning. And if you do that, then it doesn't. It won't feel like a compromise. It feels like fulfillment of each other, it fulfillment of the contract of the relationship.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Yeah. And the and I gain from it. Although it's not my my first priority to do a city trip. I. I love going to Chicago and learning more about Chicago. And we did go see Depeche Mode, so that was cool.

Christian Hoeferle:
And you love the cool temperatures.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
I did not like the cool temperatures. Not in Chicago and not in New York. But that's neither here nor there. You know, there's a I'll throw that in. I used to say this at the Montessori school that I found it a long time ago. There is no wrong clothing. No, there is no wrong weather, only wrong clothing. So put something warm on and be okay. And that's what I did. So it means we just kind of highlighted the personal side. But even on our business side, it means checking in. You have your businesses, I have my businesses, and we have joint businesses. So we meet once a month. Actually, we have a meeting on the calendar for tomorrow. We meet once a month to go through. We have a whole agenda to go through what's going on? What are you working on? What am I working on? What can we Where can I help you? How can you help me? Where can what we do jointly for our joint businesses? What needs to happen right?

Christian Hoeferle:
And how can we schedule it without jeopardizing family obligations or any other social obligations? How do we make it work? And that requires renewing the agreement, right? That is is is the covenant of of the relationship is an ongoing work living document, right? There is a baseline from which you start and at some point you might have to or we find out that it's good for us to adjust it, hence the regular check ins.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
So when we have our meetings, I keep minutes. That's I'm a little stickler for that to be transparent. And I put it on slack so we can see it. What did we talk about? And then we take those minutes into the next meeting because we do have an agenda and look at what have we done, what still needs to be worked on, what some of the feedback that we received from working through that task, who did we delegate it to, What insights did we gather and what can we learn from it? So it is an ongoing imagine like a an upward cycle, right? So it's a constant upward cycle. And if we would not be doing that and we haven't done it in the past, it would either go sideways, sometimes it goes downwards.

Christian Hoeferle:
And let's let's be frank, we for quite a while we failed to do these take these steps and it didn't serve our relationship. We found each other. In certain intervals. We found each other at an impasse. We were frustrated with one another. We were frustrated with ourselves because this and this and this hadn't happened. And we reminded ourselves of what we intellectually knew. And yet emotionally. Neglected the fact. Well, there is the outcomes are defined by your communication. If you don't set well for outcomes, how do you expect the results to be any different? Right. So we we decided might be a good idea to eat your own cooking. Right? And that's when we realized, hey, we need to put this on the calendar for our sake. You may do it differently. However you structure it in your relationship, it serves us to check in with each other in on a regular basis in order to, uh, keep the eyes on the ball. Right. The ball, which is our relationship and our common goals.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Yeah. The, the result for us, first and foremost, is to have a loving relationship and to grow old. I mean, I'm not growing old. I don't know about you, but to grow old, to grow in age, to grow into the future and be wise, to continue to be wise, be even wiser, grow.

Christian Hoeferle:
More, grow.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Hair together. That's. That's the togetherness. Is the. Is the. Goal here, at least for me. Thank you. Yeah. Okay, so checking in, being on the same page. Huddle when things go sideways and and. And have a quick check in of. Hey, you know, we said we're going to do this, but it went that way. Are we cool with the course correction or do we need to kind of come, you know, backpedal a little bit and go in that direction if it's going in this direction? The next step after checking in and and being on the same page is actually taking the action. Then it's not just action, it's intentional action.

Christian Hoeferle:
So what's the difference?

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Action. Intentional action. Well, you know, people when I call someone and they're like, oh, I'm so busy and I ask them, are you busy or are you being productive? Busy can just be let me just take some action. And taking action can be. I'm just going to be on know TikTok for half a day. That's an action. It's probably not intentional unless you're using TikTok for marketing. And would it then be wise to have someone to delegate that marketing piece on TikTok?

Christian Hoeferle:
So busyness in the sense of doing something that isn't relevant or relevant to the bottom line, immediately doing avoiding the most important tasks in favor of mundane, repetitive tasks that somebody else could do or that aren't moving the needle.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
They're not moving the needle. They're not they're not plugged into the well-formed outcome. And that people that are busy and I'll put it in quotation marks often find themselves being busy because they have not checked in even for themselves. They have not created these well-formed outcomes. This is what I'm aiming for, this is what I'm going for, and therefore these are the intentional actions that I'm taking to actually get there. Right. And a communication, like you said earlier, is a big, big piece in that if we are not getting the results that we desire, it has nothing to do with anything but the way that I in that immediate circumstance communicate. So the quality of my communication equals the quality of my result. And that that is true for me as an individual. That is true for you as an individual, and that is true for you as an individual. The the million dollar question here is how do you lock that? Like how how do I lock my communication of how I communicate at my best with how you communicate best to drive us into that well-formed outcome, to drive us towards that well-formed outcome.

Christian Hoeferle:
Right. And how do we make sure and that's a touchy subjects for some relationships, how can we make sure that not only ourselves are taking intentional action, that also our partner is doing the same? There will be times in your relationship when you feel like, Oh, I am hyper focused on what needs to be done next. I have my next steps clearly outlined. I'm following my list of priorities in the steps that I said I would take, and you will find in your perception that your partner isn't as focused or as intentional about their action as you are. Whether or not that is true remains to be seen. It might be your perception of what's going on, right? So we've been in that situation before that we had a different view of our intentional intentionality, right? That we viewed each other's actions not always with the same urgency or with the same laser focus directionality, wouldn't you agree?

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Yeah. And why do you think that was bad communication? Yeah, it all falls back to back communication because imagine or think back when you were in school and we all have been there. At some point you did a group project and you were probably the one well, you're one of one or the other. You're either the one that just kind of laid back and said, you know what, That person just wants to be the leader. I'm just going to let them do it. And you just kind of check out or you were the one that said, yes, let's go do it that way. Let's go, Let's go grab it by the horns, Let's go do it. And they just take full action and they basically drive the entire group project. There's so much.

Christian Hoeferle:
Learning. There's a third option. Yeah I was in the group where there was that person. Yeah Let me do that. Let's let's take charge and let's do this and. I was that same person who did that too. So there were two competing leaders, and that can happen in a relationship.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
And I think that happens often in a relationship. And when you're not doing constant check ins, you know, suddenly you find yourself driving parallel and and looking over and seeing that there's a big ditch between you driving parallel and you wonder, how am I ever going to fill that ditch again so we can be on the same side or on the same page. Metaphors like metaphors on fire, I'm telling you. So.

Christian Hoeferle:
Can we do a fire emoji here?

Brigitta Hoeferle:
No. No, we can't. Yeah, no, I'll ask Brian. Um, so the question here is, how can you not check out? How can you be enthusiastic about, you know, if there is, there's often you know, it's either Christian is leading saying we're doing this, we're going this direction or it would be me saying we're doing this, we're going in this direction. What will what where do you check in with yourself and go, oh, I'm about to check out? Or what will I need to do in order to follow his lead? Their lead? Um, what what would someone need to do like that would take.

Christian Hoeferle:
Well, I think that's a question you have to answer for yourself in your relationship. In in our case, where we work a lot together and then again parallel to each other, going the same direction, We have the same destination. However, we are working in different cars and different lanes without the median in between us, it's often our relationship turns out to be, especially during the week. It's very task work focused, meaning revenue generating, bottom line, relevant intentional actions for us in order to to have the check in, in order to reiterate our common goals and refresh the covenant, so to say the the check in becomes completely for me at least. I'm not sure how you see it. It has nothing to do with the work anymore. It's this. Hey. One of dinner. Can I pour you a glass? Oh, yeah. And what do you want to do? So it's. It's breaking the work pattern and. Deciding or leading my partner into relaxation or social time pattern away from work tasks towards. Loving. Connecting interacting with other people patterns and. For me. That's been the. The magic or the the beauty of our relationship that we are able to not compartmentalize. It's more that we can be focused in our joint or respective work, and then we can pull ourselves out. Either you pull me out, I pull you out, or we. Sometimes that's the super magic when we do it almost simultaneously and complete each other sentence. Hey, I was wondering if we could. Yes, I was wondering that, too.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
So, Korean barbecue tonight.

Christian Hoeferle:
Let's do it. Fantastic. Pull each other away from. The urgency and pressures of work life and allowing each other to be with one another is what creates that space to renew the covenant.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Love that. Yeah. Thank you for that. So that leads me to where we want to continue in our next conversation. How will you know that you as a couple or you as business partners are successful? How will you know that you have succeeded in what you wanted to do and that really it always goes back to the well formed outcomes? So I want to talk more. We want to talk more about that in our next session. Um. That's coming up next month.

Christian Hoeferle:
Next month. Do we have to wait that long? Yes. Okay.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Yeah. But in the meantime, we're going to have other incredible guest experts on the success pattern. So So in.

Christian Hoeferle:
The meantime, there will be some palm trees, sand, water and an umbrella drink.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
That is absolutely true. I can't wait for that. So any any parting words for our guests.

Christian Hoeferle:
Trust each other in allowing the, quote unquote, compromise? It is not a dirty word. It's not a bad thing. Allow each other to. Create the common goal that lives under the group. Your individual goals under the commonality umbrella. The umbrella is big enough.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Yeah, I like that. That's another great metaphor. So umbrellas and umbrellas in my drink. Thank you guys for being here. Thanks, Christian, for being on the Success Pattern Show. Tune in again next week, same time, same place. Not with these two two funny heads, but with our new guest expert. Until then, ciao. Thank you for tuning in and you will notice opportunities to apply success patterns daily while eagerly anticipating next week's content rich success patterns.

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