Special Guest Expert - Jen Rafferty: Video automatically transcribed by Sonix

Special Guest Expert - Jen Rafferty: this mp4 video file was automatically transcribed by Sonix with the best speech-to-text algorithms. This transcript may contain errors.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
How many times have you said to yourself, I'm going to succeed? And yet you keep coming up short? You probably noticed that high achievers with heart do things differently, but you just can't put your finger on it. You're curious about why high achievers accomplish more and have more satisfying relationships. It's because success is the result of your mindset and the consistent actions you take. This show is designed with your success in mind by revealing these powerful patterns of our dynamic individuals and guest experts, you can model what they do and apply to your future success now. Let's roll up our sleeves and get started. My name is Brigitta Hoeferle and this is the Success Patterns Show. And Welcome everyone. It is that time again of this week The Success Patterns Show. Here are the golden nuggets. This is the show of the golden nuggets. Success patterns are more valuable than ideas. Let me explain. Ideas, while they're very powerful, require some trial and error and a lot of time to put into action. Think about manufacturing, for example. First you have a new idea, then a proof of concept, then working prototype, then small production batches. And finally you go into full scale production. This takes months, maybe even years. And you may have met some people who are collectors of great ideas and they do little else. Forget everything you've heard about ideas. You're not looking for ideas. You are looking for success patterns and you're at the right place at the right time. Success patterns are different. Success patterns are better. Why? Well, success patterns are proven. Have a logical sequence of steps to follow, have an action imperative and deliver consistent results. In today's content rich program, you're going to learn valuable success patterns because our special guest today is a former middle school music teacher, is writing her dissertation on a very interesting topic, and her name is Jen Rafferty. Jen is an educator, an author, an international speaker, a TEDx speaker. She started out as a middle school teacher, was doing that for 15 years in central New York. And she's bringing great energy, humor and expertise in all of her presentations, while inspiring other educators to stay connected to their purpose, to their why. She's a certified emotional intelligence practitioner and is currently pursuing her PhD in educational psychology. And since inception, the Empowered educator has reached teachers and school leaders all around the world. Jen has been featured in the Authority magazine Medium Thrive Global Voyage Miami and was on the TED stage with her talk. Generational change begins with empowered teachers. Oh my goodness. She's one one of my kind. She's also the host of the podcast Take Notes with Jen Rafferty, which is rated in the top 3% of podcasts globally. Help me welcome Jen. Jen is so good to have you here with us. Hi, It's so.

Jen Rafferty:
Great to be here with you. Thank you so much for this opportunity to speak with your audience.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
A fellow teacher, a fellow educator. My heart is full. That's all I needed today. So there are many things that we've said that we have in common education, ted-x, uh, a supporting and inspiring other teachers that they can and other educators that they can become even better educator and a better speaker and a better teacher, a better person all together. Emotional intelligence. And that's where I want to start our conversation today. Emotional intelligence, a book, a big not a book. Yes. To but a big and I would almost say overused word, emotional intelligence. Tell us, what is it, Jen?

Jen Rafferty:
Well, for for me in academia, I have to say that emotional intelligence isn't actually as big of a thing as it is in the corporate spaces. Emotional intelligence. If it was, then we would move away more from the IQ and move into EQ. But the focus is really on success being outcome focused on, you know, the amount of A's, the graduation rates, a lot of these metrics that have to do with these external outcomes and emotional intelligence is starting to become part of this conversation. It has a little bit prior to the pandemic. However, COVID really highlighted the the gap of what people actually needed, and that's actually emotional support. You know, our emotions are something that is really completely undervalued. And, you know, we talk in these professional spaces, particularly in academia. You know, it's well, we don't want to be too emotional. We need to keep it together. And there's this effort now to create these social emotional learning programs for kids which can increase their emotional intelligence. But when the adults in these spaces don't know what that means and don't actually embody these practices, we kind of leap over their emotional needs. And so the efforts to reach the kids are sometimes moot or they're not as effective as they can be. So I really am bringing emotional intelligence to the educational spaces for that reason.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
I love that on so many. Levels. And you said something that's really important. If we have people that are teaching emotional intelligence that A, they don't know, you know, what even is that? What kind of impact does that have on me? Or they're so out of balance within their own, you know, inner being that that it would not be advantageous for the receiver of that education aka the kids to receive it from the person that might not have the emotional readiness to teach that. So. So how do you how do you bridge that gap.

Jen Rafferty:
So you.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Get people ready?

Jen Rafferty:
Yeah, that's the fun part for me, right? You know, I really think that in all of the work that I do, I get asked this question a lot because it's like, okay, John, you know, cool. This sounds like a really awesome idea, but I love what you had said about ideas versus patterns, right? I really want to be able to bring them skills and strategies that they can use consistently is like a rinse and repeat kind of thing, so they can sustain a healthy longevity in their career that's bigger than just this cool idea. And so whatever I start with, before I do anything, we need to talk about the elephant in the room, which is the amount of stress that these educators are feeling constantly, because what's been happening is we're not talking about it and we're focusing on test scores. We're focusing on student behaviors, we're focusing on graduation rates. And now in New York State, we're doing the state testing right now, and we can't do any of that Well, if we're constantly feeling frustrated and overwhelmed and depleted and and burnt out. But we need to start talking about that first before any of the other stuff can happen. So that's always where I start. We talk about stress.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Yeah and talking about stress. I mean, especially, you know, during the pandemic post pandemic, I applaud. I am not in the day to day teaching of children anymore. I am on the other side like you are in teaching educators. But I applaud the teachers that are in the trenches, that are that are dealing with, you know, the not the, the mental, um, residual that that keeps lingering on from, you know, the pandemic. Covid did a real number on on all of us, on the kids, on the parents, on the teachers, on, you know, everyone that you can think of. And and that's why you know I heard you say let's focus more on the EQ rather than the IQ. The EQ might not be, as I'm going to put it, in quotation marks, measurable. But I do do think and I want to hear more about, you know, the dissertation dissertation that you're writing. How can it be measured? How would you measure the outcome?

Jen Rafferty:
Yeah, that's a that's a great question. You know, in in my company, you know, metrics are important. Metrics are important everywhere. And that was actually something that I had to figure out early on is, okay, so how do we quantify these things that seem unquantifiable? And what's kind of interesting about that is within my career as a music teacher, you know, putting a number on how well someone did in this creative, expressive art was always something I grappled with with this assessment. So it was just interesting. Now, moving into this entrepreneurial space, having to find metrics of things like EQ, I had to get really creative of what could that look like? And what I've found and you know, my team has discovered over the last year and a half or so because it's still a very baby company. But we found that when teachers engage and this is not just teachers, this is administrators, it's office staff, it's support staff. And I'm even working with parents right now. You know, when when everybody in the school community engages and embodies these practices of healthy self-awareness and understands practices of self-regulation, then lots of things change. For example, teacher absenteeism decreases. There is more attrition because we know that there is this great exodus from this profession. Right now, people who do this work actually can stay longer because they feel good. Right? There is lower student anxiety. There's a decrease in student disciplinary referrals. So those are kinds of the those are the kinds of metrics that we are looking for, because those are the things that set schools up for success, right? The well-being of a school is 100% dependent on the well-being of the adults in these spaces. And those are the types of metrics that are really important to get back to a really healthy and thriving school community.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Yes. And shouldn't we start out with administration to take some emotional intelligence courses?

Jen Rafferty:
Yeah, that's a great question. And so where to? Start is, is you know, from where I'm standing, we can start anywhere. Actually, what I found to be the most successful is when people from all five parts of this ecosystem, which is the administrators, the teachers, the support staff, the office staff and then the parents, when all of them get this training kind of at the same time, that's when we start to shift this culture because we're creating this new universal language, right? So it's you know, when you have this angry parents calling, who's activated the administrator on the other end or the office staff on the other end, or the teacher, on the other hand, can take a beat because they are self-aware enough to notice that their heart's beating faster, their shoulders are up to their ears, their stomach is clenched, and then they also have tools to deactivate themselves and regulate their nervous system in a way that they can respond to this parents. Right. And in a way that that parent then also can understand what they're saying. Until we start with the adults and getting this culture shift, we're not actually changing kids the way that we mean to. So we have to start there. And then, you know, right now, of course, I'm, you know, making another appendage to my programing that does affect kids and does train kids. But we can't we can't start there. So we need to start with the adults, whether it's the administrators or the teachers or the nurses or the bus drivers.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Yes. So you're saying and this is a song I've been singing for years. Well, for decades, in order to have kids growing up into, um, incredible beings that are living on this planet, we don't start with the children. We actually start with the adults around the children. You know.

Jen Rafferty:
Brita it's cliche because it's true, right? Like, you need to be the change you wish to see in the world. Yes, that's it. You cannot like, I'm done with this narrative of pointing fingers at everything and everybody that that can be blamed for the situation. Are there big infrastructure problems within our educational systems? Absolutely. Is deep breathing going to fix these problems? No, that's ridiculous. But what is going to happen is that when you have the skills to actually regulate your nervous system in a way where you have access to the part of your brain that you need in order to solve the problems, nothing is actually going to change. You know, if you can't think clearly, how can you possibly advocate for your students? How can you possibly engage in a student who is having a triggering activated moment? You can't. So in order to do our job and have this massive impact in this world and create that transformational generational change, you have to start with yourself.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Amen. I mean, we should. We should. We could and we shouldn't, but we could stop right here. And you guys have gotten everything that you needed, all of the success patterns that you needed right now. So. So where does this where does this urge, this calling, this desire, this, this, this, this incredible passion within you? Where does that come from?

Jen Rafferty:
Oh, that's such a great question. Well, you know, I. I didn't leave teaching because I didn't want to do it anymore. I didn't leave teaching because I was burnt out. I love my job. And I thought I was going to do that forever. I wanted to teach music ever since I could remember. And, you know, throughout my career, I had a very clear professional mission, which was to inspire people to discover their voice. And while I was teaching choirs and conducting all across New York State and presenting all over the country, that was like very literal, right? People. We were singing, we were making music, people were finding their voice. And so when COVID happened and I was no longer able to be in front of my my kids that same way, in fact, if you remember, singing itself was very dangerous. Right? Um, you know, I had to adjust the way I was able to live this mission. And so during that time of COVID, it's, you know, important part of my story. I actually moved out of my house because my husband and I decided we were going to get a divorce. And I moved out of my house with my kids, who were five and seven at the time, the same weekend the world shut down.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Wow.

Jen Rafferty:
Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Indeed. Yeah, it was. It was a lot. Um, and I had to, you know, looking back, it was this beautiful opportunity to reevaluate what I wanted in my life. You know, there weren't. I didn't have the distractions that I was actually really counting on, right? I mean, like, here I was. I was going to, you know, eat my feelings. I was going to, like, go off in Miami with my sister and, like, find all of the possible distractions in the world to keep me from my feelings. Well, Covid gifted me the opportunity to literally stay at home alone with my feelings. So. I didn't have the luxury of escaping. I had to actually deal with them. Face them? Yeah. Yeah. And it was painful. But it was the biggest gift because in that time I was able to really get clear about what my priorities were, and I had to ask myself some pretty difficult questions, including who did I want to be? What did that mean? Who did? Who did? Future gen, you know, become. And so that really led me in this direction of my own healing. You know, I dove into the research I started. That's when I started my PhD in educational psychology. I always loved cognitive neuroscience, so I was, you know, continuing to be a big nerd about all things brains. And I'm really committed to, again, my own healing. And when the time came to decide whether I was going to go back to work or not, my mind was like, of course, you know, you have this great job, you have this great career. Of course you're going to go back. But my body was screaming at me, Follow your calling, Jen. Like, go, go do this other thing. And I listened. And I'll tell you, I. I wrote my resignation letter in February of 2021, and I felt amazing. And then four days later, I was a sobbing mess on my couch. What did I do? I'm a single mom. How could I possibly give up this job and move into business?

Jen Rafferty:
But, you know, I practice everything. I teach everything. Everything. And, you know, that's those micro habits or patterns, as you call them, are are the things that got me from that part, you know, sitting on the couch sobbing or even, you know, that weekend that I was alone when COVID and the world shut down to not only owning my own business and reaching kids and teachers and school leaders all around the world, but then being on the TED stage a year and a half later, I mean, that that didn't happen by accident. It happened because of the things that I am teaching. It happened because of my ability to be self aware and self regulate, recognize when my brain is feeding me all sorts of BS that I can now say this is this is, you know, thank you, but no thank you. I'm doing this. And that's that's the way. That's the way.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Wow. The, the, the, the depth of choice that you made not just once or twice, but, you know, continuously let you where you are today. Who when you were younger. When you look back at your younger years starting out maybe as an educator even before, who did you model? Like who did you look up to? Who was your idol?

Jen Rafferty:
Um, that's a great question. I, you know, at the time I thought I was going to teach music for my whole life. And so my idol was actually my high school chorus teacher who I'm still friends with today. You know, he was somebody. You know, he shared the importance of elevating humanity with something beautiful. And if you had the opportunity to make something more beautiful in this world, then not only is it your responsibility as a human, but more importantly, it's you need to share it. And, you know, that lesson was very clear to me in the classroom. But there's so much transfer there, right? If you have the opportunity to make this world more beautiful, then what are you waiting? What are you waiting for? You know, nobody gets out alive. Like, can we just be really clear about that, right? We're we can't take anything with us. So we have choices all along. And I think I don't think I know we live in a world where it's just easy to point a finger at somebody else. And it's something else that, you know, this is I'm angry today because so-and-so did me wrong or this is my situation now. And you know, it is what it is. It's it's not it never is the way it is. It's the way you think it is. And you have so much more agency than you realize. And if people just started to wake up and realize their ability to make a conscious choice at any moment of your day, I mean, that's that's how we change the world. And, you know, you ask me about urgency. Our our kids deserve a world where people are conscious. Our kids deserve the opportunity to learn that they can be conscious and make choices that really align with who they want to be.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Yeah Yes, I agree with you. And I do believe, like Whitney Houston, that the children are our future. They are.

Jen Rafferty:
Going to bust out into song Yeah.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
And Yeah mean, you could probably sing it a lot better than I can because I cannot sing for saving my life. Um, and we should teach them well, but that, that starts with the adults. That starts with, that starts with you. That starts with me. That starts with everyone that's watching and listening. Right? What rubs you the absolute complete wrong way?

Jen Rafferty:
Oh. Stubbornness that drives me insane. Like even saying that word. Like, I have like a physical aversion to it because there is so much we don't know. Right. I mean, there's so much you don't know. And so when I encounter somebody who is very set in their ways, um, it's taken me a long time to kind of let that go and just be like, you know, well, I love that journey for you and just kind of let it let it go, right? Yeah, I love that for you. And that's and that's it. You know, I it's taken me a long time to to not give somebody like that all of my energy and trying to convince them otherwise. It's not actually my job.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Yeah yeah. So true. So you have two kids that are now what in their in their teenage years.

Jen Rafferty:
Oh no, not yet. They are they are in third grade and fifth grade. So my daughter's almost nine and my son is 11. He's although identifies as a preteen. So we're getting there.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
So you have two young kids. You're you're following your calling after COVID or through COVID. You're you're by yourself. You're a single mom, I would assume. And how do you create and you have your own business. How do you how in the world do you create balance in your life? What do you do to juggle it all?

Jen Rafferty:
You know, I don't I don't look at it as as balanced or juggling. And that's, I think, part of it, too. And it's something that I share with the people I work with also that. If I was going to do things differently, which, you know, going from a life of being a teacher to being an entrepreneur is, you know, it's vastly different. I had to, you know, reacquaint myself and make new relationships with time. I had to make new relationships with money. I had to make new relationships with what it meant to, you know, work, you know, Um, and I realized in all of that I could design a life the way that I want it. And I think that was part of that reflective process for me during COVID, when I didn't really have a choice. It was, Well, what do I want? You know, I want to be able to wake up in the morning and make pancakes for my kids before they go to school and meditate and like do some yoga in the morning. So I actually don't turn on my computer until 10:00 most days, you know, that that's something that I really love. And so this this idea of of balance and juggling even that imagery seems very stressful to me. So I like to think of it as work life blend. It's a blend, you know, especially like working from home most of the time, unless I'm traveling, doing workshops and talking with people, I'm home. So it's very much blended, which means that sometimes, like, I could binge Netflix for a day if I wanted to, or go hang out at the spa with my friends or spend a day here or in the coffee shop. Like really getting into something that I'm super inspired about because the end product is going to be making a huge difference in this world. So I built a business not only that aligns with my calling and my professional mission, but also that supports a lifestyle that I've always wanted. Because again, otherwise, like, what am I doing? If I was just working myself to the bone the same way that I felt when I was teaching, that really isn't aligned anymore. So it's always coming back to this alignment.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
When you're I, I really appreciate what you said. Work life blend. It's not a balance. It's a blend. Really, really appreciate you. You you pointing that out when your kids look at you and they tell someone else about you, what do they say about you?

Jen Rafferty:
Ask them that. Sometimes I'm like, I bet. Yeah. Like, what do you what do you think I do? You know, every once in a while, my daughter will surprise me. She's like, So what did you do today? And she's like, actually interested, you know? And I'll tell her, Oh, it's a meetings. You know, I was on a podcast, you know, I had this awesome success pattern show later today, you know, whatever, whatever it is. Um, but it's funny to hear them because they've, they've heard me right. I mean, we lived together for 18 months, you know, completely as I was transitioning and before Empowered Educator even started, I continued on my music path. I, I created a virtual singing community that ended up being this global entity where people would come Yeah I don't think we talked about this. I people would come on zoom and sing, which sounds crazy because everyone had to be on mute when when we were singing, which is why I didn't call it a choir. But what happened? Brigade was something magical. Was that because people were on mute, they actually felt really empowered to use their voice because they weren't embarrassed to sing anymore because nobody could hear them.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Hold on. You're saying you guys were all on a big Zoom screen and everyone was unmuted, was muted, and they were singing in their own environment? Yes. And they were singing, although no one could hear them other than themselves. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that gives me the goosebumps.

Jen Rafferty:
Oh, it was it was one of the most beautiful things I've ever done because, again, I connected back to my mission. I wanted to inspire people to discover their voice. So I was like, How do I do this now? Let me let me try this thing. And I have people from like India and Kazakhstan and Turkey and Japan all coming together and singing, you know, I'd have a track that I would play, that I created, that I would, you know, whatever. Um, but, you know, it was, it was magical. So and I bring this up because a lot of this happened during a time where my kids would be in the living room and I would be at the end of my dining room table hosting these kinds of events. And so they would be like, Who's what are you doing? You know? So there they were so curious. And they know now really that what my mission is and they've seen the choices that I've made and the pivots that I've made to, you know, they might seem different in what it is that I'm doing. But the why has never changed. And they've they've seen that.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
What a beautiful model you are for your children. Thank you. What a beautiful what a beautiful concept that is. Yeah, because we're all modeling for our kids if we want to or not. They're constantly watching. Yep. And even if they're not constantly. If they're not consciously watching, we're when we're around our children, may we in whichever role parent, educator, whatever they're watching, we have an impact. And I I. So appreciate what you just shared with us on what you're doing with this platform that is that just made my day. More of that and we'll do in a in a especially during a time when we were so disconnected. Bringing connection together through music.

Jen Rafferty:
Yeah, yeah, that's it. It's connection. It's humanity. You know, more of that and less of the nonsense. Please.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Yes. Amen, Sister. I totally agree. So this is such an important and beautiful conversation. How do people connect to you? Because I know they already connected to you. How do people actually get in touch with you?

Jen Rafferty:
Sure. Well, one of the easiest places is Facebook, which is Empowered Educator faculty room. It's a really great space where I do like lots of live trainings and it's a beautiful community. Again, I'm really it's community is super important to me of other empowered educators who are part of this work. So if you are a parent, a teacher, an administrator, or like know a teacher, this place is where you want to be or where you want to direct them to. And then of course, my website Empowered educator.com. I actually have a free training about how to manage stress like a boss that's coming up at the end of the month. That's completely free. And the details are also on my Facebook page and on my website. And then of course, if you are listening, you have access to my free e-book and you can get that at Empowered educator.com/book super.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
So get the book, get the empowered educator book, connect with Jen on the on the Facebook group. And Jen, can folks also email you.

Jen Rafferty:
Oh please. Yeah. If you have a story to tell or a question to ask or something to share, I would love to connect with you on email. And that's just Jen at Empowered Educator.com.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
So Jen at Empowered Educator.com is the email. The Facebook group is Facebook.com slash groups slash empowered educator faculty room, all one word and very simple. All Jen's website is empowered Educator.com. Go get your book there. It's empowered educator.com/book with which words would you like to leave today? Jen?

Jen Rafferty:
Oh, I will tell you the thing that's on my desk that I look at all the time. It's a big one. You know, so many times we don't feel like we're being enough or we're doing enough. Enough is a decision. It is not an amount. And you are the only person that gets to decide whether or not it's enough.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Beautiful. We will leave it at that. Thank you, Jen, for being on the Success Pattern Show. Guys, thank you for tuning in today. Come back next week, same time, same place with another great guest expert. Very excited to see you then, Jen. Thank you. Until next week. Ciao. Thank you for tuning in and you will notice opportunities to apply success patterns daily while eagerly anticipating next week's content rich success patterns.

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