Special Guest Expert - Paula Alphonse: Video automatically transcribed by Sonix

Special Guest Expert - Paula Alphonse: this mp4 video file was automatically transcribed by Sonix with the best speech-to-text algorithms. This transcript may contain errors.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
How many times have you said to yourself, I'm going to succeed? And yet you keep coming up short? You probably noticed that high achievers with heart do things differently, but you just can't put your finger on it. You're curious about why high achievers accomplish more and have more satisfying relationships. It's because success is the result of your mindset and the consistent actions you take. This show is designed with your success in mind. By revealing these powerful patterns of our dynamic individuals and guest experts, you can model what they do and apply to your future success now. Let's roll up our sleeves and get started. My name is Brigitta Hoeferle and this is the success Patterns show. And welcome everyone to the Success Pattern Show where we bring you golden nuggets. Success patterns are more valuable than ideas. That's a golden nugget all in itself. Why? Well, let me explain. Ideas, while very powerful, require trial and error and a lot of time to put into action. Just think about manufacturing. First you have this grand idea, then you go into a proof of concept. Then you create this working prototype, then a small production batches and finally maybe go into full scale production. That takes months, maybe even years. And you may have met some people who are great collectors of ideas, but they do little else. Forget everything you've heard about ideas because you're not looking for ideas. You are looking for success patterns. Success patterns are different, and success patterns are better because they are proven. Have a logical sequence of steps to follow. Have an action imperative and deliver consistent results. In today's content rich program, we have valuable success patterns because we have an international guest expert with us today. Her name is Paula Alfonsi. She is all the all the way from Haiti via Canada, all the way here to the United States or wherever in the world you are watching us. And she is the CEO and founder of Paula Alfonse Services, a transformational coach, speaker and author. And she's dedicated to empowering people to unleash their potential leadership to achieve positive impact. She also does pro bono work, which I want to learn more about that from her as well. She accelerates progress for third world organizations. And she's also just, I think, just recently coauthored The Secrets to Wealth with Brian Tracy, emphasizing on the impact of the importance of impactful leadership. So without further ado, let me bring up Paula Alfonse. Thank you, Paula, for being here.

Paula Alphonse:
Thank you for having me.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Paula. You are a leadership expert and you go in and assist. I would argue and maybe also assume assist organizations with some of their leadership challenges, may we say, or even entrepreneurs. Who do you work most with?

Paula Alphonse:
Uh, for quite a bit of time I was working with government and various levels of government, and now I'm kind of switching to, uh, let's just say wanting to work more with individuals. And really, from the perspective, for me, it's like there's things you can do in terms of organization, but believe that real change really starts with the individuals. So there's this part where, yes, uh, financially the corporate is paying more, but then at the same thing, at the same time, for me, it's really important in helping individuals figure out their thing, their own challenges, and not just the work, whatever decided topic.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
So would you say that people in organizations or even in government, wherever in the world they are? Because, you know, I would their governments are run differently, but yet the mindset around it could be of the employees rather similar. Would you say it's an uphill battle working with groups of of people in such environments in comparison to working with entrepreneurs who already kind of. Get that. If it's meant to be, it's up to the individual person.

Paula Alphonse:
I would say it's really about the personal investment and about the willingness to to do the work. If as an adult and we've all been to those places where you're working in an organization and say you have to attend a meeting or you have to attend a training, so you go and you're like, okay, what can I leave? When's the break? When's the lunch? And then that's it. If you don't apply anything that you've heard, let's just say there's not much change in that sense. So not to say that it's going to happen to everybody. There are some of my trainings where you would see, at least I can see in certain some of the people's eyes. You can see that in the moment that something shifted and I'm like, huh, that's good. But then at the same time, uh, there's some environments to me that not are not as conducive to lasting change. And that's reality. And let's just say organization mean well, but then at the same time, it's sometimes take you out of your environment and then send you right back and you're busy. We don't have time to go over that again. So it's just the sense where, okay, sometimes it feels like it's it was just a drop in the ocean and you know, are they ever going to get to that drop eventually.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
So yeah. So it is an uphill battle. Why why you mentioned the word change. And you know, reading your bio and the information that you sent to us, you talk about change and you talk about choice and making decisions. Why is that so important to you?

Paula Alphonse:
Oh. I'll say, if I go back as far as I remember being in a child. And yes, you've mentioned that I'm from 80, actually never lived in 80, but traveled. My parents traveled a lot, so I've been in different environments and different country was in Africa, was in Africa for we were living in Africa for quite a few years and we lived with Switzerland. Anyway, long story short, the idea for me at times is just the sense where there are some environments where you feel as though you have spent so much time following what everybody tells you you should be doing. You're no longer can find that little vibe. Or we did that little fire we did that says, this is me. This is what I'm meant to do. This is how I could do it. It's just the sense as soon as you're trying to get off the beaten path, it's just like, what are you doing? Oh no no no no no no no. Get right back in place. And some of that you also find in in the corporate. So it depends. There are some organizations where you will see that there's this willingness to hate the word innovate, but to try different things. And that makes a difference. But if you're in an environment where you've been constantly put back into your lane, if we can call it like that, then there's only so much you can help. And for me, this is really part of my passion is helping. People, individuals, women, males get to that sense that we each have a purpose in life. There is I don't believe that we are created to all do the same things. We have different talents. We have different skill set. How do we harness them rather than follow the script? So this is where my passion is.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Yeah. And and would you say that great leaders. Um are born through their purpose and their passion for what they do.

Paula Alphonse:
I definitely believe so. You are a better leader when you understand who you are and what matters to you, and when you're engaging others. From that perspective, there's that sense of authenticity that they get also on the other side. So if as a leader, I'm just there because, you know, need to pay the bills, let's just say the investment can also be felt or the lack thereof. So it's this part and maybe it's just my way of seeing it, but I know that as a leader, I see myself as a leader both at home and at work. Because technically you have that sense of compass. You understand your why, you understand how you want to move in a direction and why you're doing it. So as a parent, usually I'm saying usually maybe I'm extrapolating. You have a vision for those kids even before they're there, sometimes some vision a little too strict, and you realize I've kind of. Got to let it go a little bit, okay. No, don't want to be a doctor more. I want to be a musician. And you're like, okay, if you. Have talent, how can we help you master that? So those are the things I find that as a leader, your role is also to stretch people so that they get to that potential. I see it as a resource and answer you. You help people get to that better version. So wherever they are, they come in your path. Your role is to keep. Extending them in terms of skill set, perspective, mindset, all of those so that the next move they make, they have greater skills. So to me, yeah. Needs to be done.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
So I love that you have mentioned, you know, when you're a great leader at home, when you have children or you're even, you know, say you don't have children and maybe you have, you know.

Paula Alphonse:
Nieces and nephews, people you care about.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Yeah. Right. So there's leadership skills already in that. And I think we all have them or the lack thereof, as you said. And that will then once we go into leadership position. And would you argue that any position that we're in, where we are, where people look at us, where we're modeling some sort of behavior to someone else, that that's a leadership position, right? So it translates from this personal point of view to this professional point of view. And if you know it, to do it in one area, you can do it in another area. You. I do.

Paula Alphonse:
Agree, there's something else that always struck me as odd in a lot of organizations. Uh, some people get the sense that being a manager is the same thing as being a leader, and it's not. One person manages the task, while the other one manages the vision and directs the boat. So there's to me, those are two different sense of perspective that need to be brought together. And unfortunately, when the people who are put in certain position don't understand what their role is, then they can feel as though I'm managing my boat, which is me and my me and my me, myself and I. But I'm not technically understanding that my role is to bring the other people on board as well with me. So it's those things that sometimes we forget. It's like parents letting kids be kids. You do whatever you want. It's okay as long as you follow my rules. At one point, we're going to have to have that conversation. What are those rules for? It's not just the bus. It's really from the perspective either to protect you, to prepare you for something else. If you ever want to go to this type of training, then you need to have those prerequisites. It's it's understanding that longer path.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Yeah. Thank you for for differentiating between management and leadership. Um the in your in the book that you wrote with Brian Tracy, you are talking specifically about five traits to have as a great leader. What are those five traits?

Paula Alphonse:
Wisdom. Sense of purpose. Have to be good communicator, emotional intelligence. And then the last one is ability to make decisions because some people are in position but they don't. Know what to do. Okay, let's do the same as last time. Okay. Now we can't do this all the time. So it's there's that sense of and said they just signal a great potential. But that doesn't mean that if they're not being used that you're going to see it. Um, think in a lot of the one for me that, um, always gets misunderstood is the portion about an effective communicator. People think if can give a presentation online and everybody loves it. I've done my job. No. Have they retained anything? Have I connected with anyone? Can they can they see themselves in what you said? Because the purpose of communication is to bring the person to that sense that you get me, I get you. I can see us being able to engage together because otherwise, you know, there's plenty of things on TV. Doesn't mean I'm going to watch them all. And that's the part where sometimes being an effective communicator is understanding. It's a two way street. It's not just me pushing words out. It has to bring something back.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Yeah. One of the laws that we often talk about is the law of the the. In your communication, the result is the response that you're getting. And if you're not getting the response that you desire as a leader, that has nothing to do with you as a leader, that has everything to do with you as a leader and how you communicate and how you listen. And one of those five traits, and we could talk about all any of those five traits for hours and hours and hours. I want to nitpick the one that is so often used and I think so, hardly understood truly at its core. And that's emotional intelligence. Tell me more about what that means and what you wrote about emotional intelligence.

Paula Alphonse:
Emotional intelligence is about managing self and then managing relationships and environment. So the portion about managing self is understanding what's happening within me as I'm interacting with others, understanding what could be my triggers and how I'm reacting to some information, whether my reaction is connected to what I've heard or not. So that's the self management, your self awareness and then self management. Then when we get to the point about managing relationships, it's understanding what what what are other people's perspective. Because it's not because I have a perspective that everybody has to follow. Mine have to be able to listen to other people perspective, because maybe that's going to stretch me in understanding better some aspect of whatever situation we're going with. And that also means being able to show empathy. It's being able to show interest and building trust with someone else. Then relationship management is the sense where we might have to take different roles in terms of the tasks that we have to accomplish. So let's just say I'll put it in a simple sense. I have three kids. Let's pretend I have three kids and they all come with their personality. Can I treat all three kids the same way? They might not respond the same way. So it's understanding in some will have to negotiate certain things with others might get them on the side of teamwork and then on the other, on the other side, you might be some cooperation, collaboration. So there's different things that you have, tools that you need to to bring to the conversation in order to get that sense of, oh, emotional intelligence. And the first thing people, most people think is just about emotions. It's not about emotion, it's about building connection. And because we are humans, we have emotions. So if you come at me with the wrong state, if we if can call it like that, then might not be interested in talking to you. If you stating things from the perspective, this is the way it's going to go, they'll say uh huh, uh huh, whatever. And then they might look like they're saying yes, but inside it's not going to happen on my watch. And that's the part that too goes with leadership. Because if you can't read your people, if you can't read the people you're trying to build relationship with, if you can't find those elements, arguments, interests that will want make them want to be part of that vision, it's not going to happen.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
So so you first you first got to walk a mile in their shoes and be ready for to relate, dare I say the word understand. But in order to relate to to them where they're at.

Paula Alphonse:
I remember when I used to be a manager leader within my organization, uh, people didn't understand some of the things I used to do. Let's just say I would come into a work environment, a new work environment, new team, and I would schedule a meetings one on one with every single one of those, those individuals. And part of the conversation was me telling them, can you please help me understand what are the files that you're managing? What's working well? What's not working well? What do you need me to help you with? And as I'm asking them, that what I'm letting them know is, like, you have space to actually state what it is that you need. You have space to actually put in a request, and you're not on my back end call. I'm not making all the decision. You're one of the resource that will help the decision making. So it's those elements where you have to build that relationship before you can actually ask somebody to do something for you, because one, they're doing it because they have no choice. You know, it's like asking the kids to do the dishes. Yeah, it'll be good. Yeah. Uh huh. I'll go with my. And then you'll come in and you try it, and it's like. It's kind of full of grease. So it's this part where you have to make them want to be there. Want to do something with you. And all of that is emotional intelligence. But it's also leadership. It's also building relationship. It's also being an effective communicator. It's also knowing wisdom when to shut up and listen and when to actually say, okay, I need more information on this. Can you get it for me? And what would be your best advice to me? Because there's a certain. Go ahead.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Is there a piece of ownership in leadership that you give? Not ownership as a leader, but that you that you want the the team, the people, the individuals? Yeah. Accountability.

Paula Alphonse:
Yeah. And as adults, the idea is I don't want to be treated like a child. It's like I was living with my parents the first time I left, I thought was freedom. And then you realize you have to pay bills, but that's a different conversation. But it's this part where you you want to do things on your own. You've went to school, you've done, you've worked in certain area, you've developed a certain level of expertise, and all of a sudden this person comes in and tells you it doesn't matter what. Only what I say matter, really.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
And sometimes I call it the third, the third, the third. Terrible or wonderful twos like the first. You know, terrible twos are when they're toddlers, the second time around, when they're teenagers, teenagers, and then the third time when they move out. You do it. Yeah.

Paula Alphonse:
And I think sometimes when we get to work, we become so transactional that some of the efforts we were putting in at home or in our relationship with other people, we're not doing it in the work environment, but we're expecting the same result. Really. How's that going to take place?

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Yeah, yeah. Wow. What a great what a great conversation we're having around leadership, I wonder? I think it's not just leaders that were suffering. It wasn't just parents that were suffering. It wasn't just kids that were suffering. I think we were all suffering on our own levels going through the pandemic. And in times of uncertainty. What do you how do you what what do you consult on that leaders do to not just. Take care of their own sanity, but the people that are in their care. How do you face uncertainty?

Paula Alphonse:
You check in, you check in, and you validate. Where are they at? What's working for them? What's not working for them? Or do they need assistance? In most organizations, there might be support, mental health support, or other type of support given depending on their reality. And that's what you're supposed to be there for. The idea is, uh, during the pandemic, because we've experienced it in different organizations, there's always that sense of, yeah, it's great to be home. And then after it's like, oh, we kind of forgot who was who's who doing what. And the idea is my role as a leader is to make sure that I keep connecting with my people, that I'm checking in. Is everything okay? Is anybody sick? Uh, as as the school closed today or not, is anybody? So you you have to stay home. So there's different things. There's that need for checking. I think the mistake we're doing, we're having those conversations in large groups. But it's convenient to do in large group. But you don't build a relationship in a large group. You build relationship one on one, one conversation at a time.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Yeah I agree. I think that is the biggest piece of advice. Checking in with each other because we never know how much. Just a quick phone call or a video message or a text message, what that means to another person. And then listen and not assume. Imagine that this is a magic wand, and I'm handing it over to you through the ether and you would wave it. What would you wave it for and what would you do with it? Oh.

Paula Alphonse:
I have this big dream. I don't know how it's going to happen, but I have this big dream. It's for. It's about women. It's mostly underprivileged women across the world. Because there are certain gains we've done in North America or Europe that might not be reality for everybody else. So my dream is that we provide all the women. That need not that people have money, have access to to school and all those things. That's not it. But the tools and the support they need in order for them to take their full place in society and eventually to create better future, not only for themselves, but also for their families. What we know is that those cycles of poverty will never change if we don't do something different. And doing something different is not just giving them money here and there, it's giving them the power to make the choice they need for their reality, not the choice I think they should make. Because I decided because it's not my life, it's theirs. So that's where I'm at. I don't know how it's going to happen. And that's part of the reason why do some of the work abroad. And even then you get to some areas and it's that, you know, the culture and the weight, because in almost all society and I'm sure I know you are, you think, if I'm not mistaken, you from Germany? Yeah. Uh, let's just say every every country has a culture and subculture, but in almost every single culture, women are usually the ones that are taking care of everybody else. And then if there's time you do you but there's no there's no sense of, um, providing them with the same opportunity or there's more like an expectation. You're just going to take care of everybody else. If you wanted a job, if you want a business, if you're Yeah, do it a little. But remember, you have kids, you have a husband. And it's just like, oh, give me a break. We need to change some of those. It's not it's not about merit. It's not about, uh, families per se, but it's about giving room for everybody to step into their, their full potential.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
And the first step is to speak it out so everyone can hear it. To have such an incredible. It's not just a dream. It's truly it sounds like it's your purpose and it's it's very well aligned with the work that you're already doing, isn't it?

Paula Alphonse:
I would tend to say so. And that was one of the reasons why I was kind of putting the corporate on the side, because you could see, still see it, that the people who might need it. And not to say that the, the women in the corporate are not needing anything, that's not because they're still work on files like unconscious bias and systemic discrimination and stuff like this. So we we still see things where we think, oh yeah, we've moved so far. And then somebody asks you, can you get me some coffee? And you're like. Whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. Whoa. We're not doing that. So and it's this part where if, you know, it's happening here, some people kind of don't know. Must have must have been from a working from a bad dream. And you didn't realize what it was asking. But anyway, it's just a sense that, you know, in certain, um, in quite a lot of environments, women are all almost always the one who have to give up on their dreams so that they take care of other people. There might be some perfect relationship where we're totally, totally in line as husband and wife, and we both are taking the same level of investment within the family. But in a lot of reality, it's just like, hey! They get to do everything they want. And the women are like, okay, there's some time.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Let's break that stereotype. I would say, yeah. So I want to I want to call out, especially all the women that are watching and watching this live and the recording to get with Paula. Paula, you brought a free gift for us. I think it's an ebook. Yes. And people can get it here. Correct. My best life right now.com. And what do they have to do?

Paula Alphonse:
All they have to do is go to the website, enter some information so that they can download the book. And the idea is just tips to help you get out of your own way. Because let's just say we're sometimes our own worst enemies. So this is the part where how do you realize? How do you do things? Or how do you reframe things so that you can actually get to your result? Because as you said in the beginning, ideas are wonderful. But if you just the idea, book it, we ain't going nowhere.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
We're going nowhere. That is absolutely true. And you are going to places, and whoever wants to lock arms with Pollock get make sure that you get your free ebook at my best life right now.com my best life right now. That's all. One word. My best life right now.com. Now Paula, how do people get in touch with you. What's the best way to reach out to you?

Paula Alphonse:
I would say you could go to my website and there's a few buttons, but bottom of the page where you can just enter in them and schedule a free discovery session or even send me an email@info.com. And this is just the sense of how do we start a conversation and see? I am very honest with people when I talk to them. It's not about me getting money out of you. It's really about figuring out how can I help? And if I'm not the right person for you, I'll tell you, because I don't see the value in how could I say? Trying to make something, someone buy something if that's not what they need, and if that's not going to address whatever challenges that they have. Um, uh, one of the thing I've used and, and guess I've used it, but other people have mentioned it often. I'm very much of the status quo disruptor. So it's always but why? Why do you need it? You don't need it. Why? Everybody has it in. Is it necessary for you? What exactly is the need? You need to drill down certain things and not just. Pick and choose anything that's offered, either because it's free or because it's a good buy. All my friends have coaches. Okay. What are their situation? What is yours? Because it's it's work. It's about work and am about helping people get to that version of themselves that show their best potential. Well, let's roll.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Up our sleeves and get to work. Get with Paula. Alphonse, you're also on LinkedIn. You're on Facebook if I can find you there. Lock arms with incredible other, other incredible women I know I do. Paula, thank you for this very, very rich conversation that we had today. Make sure that you share it with everyone as you're watching it because there's great. You never know who's going to get that little insight, that little nugget out of what we just discussed in this show. Paula, your last famous ending words. What would they be?

Paula Alphonse:
There to be you. Um. No one, no one else can make you as happy as you. Knowing who you are and living that true for yourself.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
So dare to be you. I dare you today as you are going about. Paula. Thank you for this rich conversation today and for everyone else. Make sure that you tune in again next week. Same time, same place. Follow Paula, bring a friend. You never know who's going to need to hear this very, very soon. Thanks for tuning in. See you next week, Chao and bye for now. Thank you for tuning. In and you. Will notice opportunities to apply success patterns daily, while eagerly. Anticipating. Next week's content rich success patterns.

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