Special Guest Expert - Tolu Akande: Video automatically transcribed by Sonix

Special Guest Expert - Tolu Akande: this eJwdjktvgkAUhf8KuYuuQIqiKIlpTNoa2k1jbdN0QyYzF5w4DzJzR2iM_73g9jy-c67ArSE0VNNfh1DCDmKQxhMzHGspoFwsHtdZnmcx8ODJ6uDR3Y35Klvly3kMjHMbRsI9vd4ssyKGRqIStWF6YjZS4Yg998y1HsorBKdG-UTU-TJN-76ftda2Clkn_YxbnQonL5he5ulU9Wk2YFIk9SHRfXU8bd4Obqg21cfPnr0_f1evxe8TU7TVKCR78DY4jlthe6MsE1_jVAwkSU1PPjvkkqloH9BT9DJ06ChKoqNVIdqdmRHTz8Y6zWhM6y6H2-0fltNg5g:1nwTGE:8SoLwzMWwp_4QjU1DS2X8qiUsdg video file was automatically transcribed by Sonix with the best speech-to-text algorithms. This transcript may contain errors.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Here's the big question. How is it that most entrepreneurs hustle and are always busy and struggle to take just one step forward, only to fall two steps back their dedicated, determined and driven, but only a few finally break through and win. This show uncovers those quantum leap patterns of highly successful people so you can simply model what they do and apply to your future success. That's the question, and the answers are right here. My name is Brigitta herself, and this is the Success Pattern Show. And that is right. Welcome, everyone, to the Success Pattern Show. My name is Brigitta Hoeferle. I am the founder of of the Success Patterns Movement and the CEO of the Center of NLP. And here we put the do in learn, do teach because we're all about doing. But we also before we do, we got to learn. We got to know what to do, right? A lot of people just go out and do it and they don't even know what do they doing and where are they doing it? With what result and how does it have an impact on other people? And if they don't know how to do it, then it hasn't impact. Probably not so supportive impact on other people. People ask me to success patterns. Tell me more about success patterns. Well, let's look at patterns first. The definition of patterns is an example for others to follow and success. The first part of the show is an interesting thing because success shapes its meaning with the person that's seeking success or the person that's defining success. And it's not limited to business or personal life or anywhere else that you want to define success in. And because success is such a unique concept within the success pattern show, we give you the scaffolding to build your own empire. Within this show, we are decoding the patterns of success of our guest experts. And we have another great one today. So you can then, on your own time, with your own notes, encode success for you today. Because as humans were hardwired for hands on application and hands on learning from a living teacher, and we are exactly that.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Here are grand masters at work and you're going to get tips on how to model success with people from all walks of life. So you are here at the right place at the right time. Make sure that you have something to write on and write with. Success is already yours. We have a great show today. Stay tuned until the very end because we have a special gift for you, so you don't want to miss that. The guest expert that we have today is became a friend over. I want to say over the last one and a half years as we were working within the International Coaching Federation together and outstanding individual, his intention as he is here as a guest expert on the show today is to understand, leverage and take advantage of coaching and coaching tools for acceleration of growth. And he doesn't just say that he breathes, that he exudes, that he stands for that, not just in his words, but so much in his actions. Told to look who is my guest expert today is a personal and corporate coach serving individuals and organizations to walk in destiny, the place where opportunity and passion meet as a professional certified coach that is a PCC through the ICF accredited with the ICF International Coaching Federation. He's committed his career to coaching excellence. In addition to that, he's a principal coach, career executive coaching department, head of a Fortune 50 company. He's also served on many management and executive teams with a focus on leadership, development and conflict resolution. Tolu allows these experiences to fuel his coaching engagement while keeping the client as the focus. So if you are not driving, I would ask you to stand on your feet and help me welcome Mr. Tolu Akande. Thank you, Tolu, for being here.

Tolu Akande:
Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to spend some time with you today.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Yes, the excitement and the honor is all mine. And I know of our listeners and our viewers today. So total you clearly and I've had actually had this conversation with someone else within the ICF community the other day. You are an expert when it comes to team leadership, creating coaching departments within organizations, one that you are leading right now, that you have developed over the years. But it's not just that that you are an expert in that field. You are actually an expert in the field of coaching one on one and entrepreneurs and leadership, not from one to many, but 1 to 1 as well. Tell me, how did that come about? What came first?

Tolu Akande:
Probably the 1 to 1. You know, several years ago, I was in the midst of a major career transition. I had moved to Atlanta to do a three month internship. That internship started. It became six years working with that organization. And at about five year mark, I knew I was in transition. I had done all that I needed to do with that nonprofit organization, and I wanted to step into the corporate world, but I had no idea how. And one of the leaders of that corporate or of that nonprofit organization came to me and said, Totally, let me coach you. And I had no grade for coaching. I just knew I needed help. And three months later, I had landed a corporate position with the role that I wanted, the salary I wanted, location that I wanted, travel that I wanted. And that was my first glimpse of coaching. And I said, I want to do for others what my coach had done for me. And so I started off with a one on one kind of life and career coaching. That's where I started off.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Wow. What a story. So you literally mock or you literally follow what someone modeled for you.

Tolu Akande:
That's exactly right. They gave me the blueprint. It was my first experience with coaching ever. It was the first time someone had equipped and helped me without having to have all the answers. And so from then forward, I decided I'm going to do what this guy did for me. And so I figured I read every every book I could read, listen to every blog. Eventually ended up doing the coaching training program that my coach had done. And I just said, You're right, I just followed the blueprint that that he had given me as my coach at that time.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Wow. What a story. So out of that right out of that six year internship, did you go right into the the corporate position that you're in now?

Tolu Akande:
I did. I did, yeah. So that three month internship, they asked me to come on staff and stay and stay and help run the internships after that point. So that's kind of how it led to the six years. But yeah, I transitioned almost immediately to that new corporate role that's going to be like a week off for vacation and transition right into that role. Fears and all but equipped because I had found coaching and then also self coaching myself through that training transition.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Did you say fears and all?

Tolu Akande:
Yes, because you're coming. Absolutely. You know, you're coming from something that you you know, you do something for six years. You know, it was at that time, my first role coming out of graduate school was working with that nonprofit. And so all I knew was a nonprofit world. And so stepping into a corporate environment that had me use a different skill set, different competencies, was like, Am I sure about this? Should I have stayed? What am I doing here? At that point I had stopped coaching, so that was the first time that I had to really tap into the gold within managerial courage, influencing without authority all the things that I was not used to to be successful in that new place.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
For the people that are stepping out into the unknown. And I think we can agree that right now we're we're coming out of a time of uncertainty and just have this conversation. It was in our last success pattern show or one of them before that is there are certain people that thrive on certainty. They they need to know what's next. Right. And then there are other there are other personality types that love variety and actually appreciate the uncertainty. But what would you say to people that that maybe are standing in front of an uncertainty right now and are reluctant to take that risk or are reluctant to take that step? What advice do you have for them?

Tolu Akande:
That's a great question. I would say get coaching. You know, the challenge sometimes is that we look at scenarios or we face decisions or have to change situation and we try to do it all by ourselves. And sometimes you just need another person to step in who has no agenda, no stakeholder in the next decision or the next step, who simply there to help facilitate your thoughts so that you can get to your desired destination even when it's uncertain. And so when I was at that stage, I got coaching it. I didn't know it at the time that I needed it. But eventually I realized, Wow, this was the thing that set me apart that enabled me to make the decision in the midst of all this uncertainty, and then to be able to now give me the tools and resources that I needed to continue to make decisions, fears, and all in the next steps of my career and taking on this new role that I was embarking on at that time.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Do you think that? I have not seen actual studies yet on the numbers of how coaching has increased over specifically the pandemic 20 2021 into 2022. But I feel this is just a feeling not based on fact. I feel that coaches have just mushroomed out of every space.

Tolu Akande:
Yes.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Is it because of the time that we were in that uncertain time that people saw a need to either seek a coach or become a coach? What do you.

Tolu Akande:
Yes, I think so. Any time there are times of uncertainty, especially like a global pandemic, out of that comes fear and uncertainty and all those types of things. But out of that also comes innovation and opportunity, meaning we were doing things, and whether that be for business or in work or various industries, we're doing things that we didn't do before to serve the opportunity that came about because of the uncertainty of the global pandemic. And so what people realize is how do I manage uncertainty? How do I deal with a level of not knowing what's next or my leadership or my job is changing whatever the case may be. And so they needed someone or some types of people to come in and help them with that uncertainty. And they realized that before it was mentorship. Just tell me someone who did it before, and then they can tell me how to do it now. But guess what? Most people had not gone through a global pandemic in their lifetime, and maybe it was a consultant that, hey, you've got the processes, you know how to deal with this stuff. But guess what? Most consultants hadn't deal with the global pandemic in their lifetime. So who are the types of people that can really help us who don't necessarily have the expertize from ten years before? Well, it was coaches, because coaches are trained to not necessarily have to know to be the most effective in the work that they do. And so all of a sudden, we saw that mushroom, we saw that build of those who were the most helpful in times of uncertainty because they have the skills and the framework to help organizations and individuals along without having to know. And that in and of itself is a unique and really valuable skill.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Yeah. Oh, that. That was a beautiful explanation. Now, let me address the elephant in the room. There are coaches and then there are coaches. What's the difference?

Tolu Akande:
That is a great, great question. Anyone can call yourself a coach in the coaching field right now is what we call an unregulated industry. Meaning, if I was a doctor, I couldn't just say I'm a doctor and set up shop somewhere. I would have to take my board exam and all of these credentials and things that come that the government is going to ask me about if I don't have right now in the coaching industry, anyone could put on LinkedIn or your website that I'm a coach. However, there are coaches who have really committed themselves to training and development within the framework of what we call the International Coaching Federation Core Competencies and Code of Ethics. And so those individuals have again committed themselves to being trained, to be mentored, some to being supervised, and then to have ongoing continuing education so that they are the most equipped to serve the industry and to serve their clients. Because the training received. We all want to make sure that our doctor, our lawyer, our engineer, the person working on the house, if they went through some kind of training to that, they can. We know that we're confident in the work that they do to best serve the needs that we have. And so you want to make sure that those that you engage with have been trained and equipped so that they're best equipped to meet the needs that you have as a potential client.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Yeah, again, beautiful explanation. Thank you for that. Because for the listeners out there and for the viewers, if you're looking for coach, you want to make sure that they come with credentials, that they're not these self announced coaches because they are out there and you know, I don't want to do them harm, but I don't want them to do harm to others either. Now, you mentioned ICF Core Competencies and Code of ethics, and it is very thorough. It is. It is. It is very clearly written out. What does it stand for? Like, what does I love to learn? What does Total actually stand for? I'm pretty sure Tolu has a meaning, but what does totally the person also value and stand for?

Tolu Akande:
Yeah, I think I stand for it. There's a concept that I like to call destiny. Right? And some people get a little weirded out by that phrase, but it's really simple. If you wanted to use a more simpler, neutral term, you could call it purpose. But for me, destiny goes a little bit deeper than purpose. There are those things that you can't shake. Those are unique values and qualities and opportunities that you're not able to quickly get rid of. And when you touch them, they are the place of passion. And they also line up with where your talent and your skills lie, and then also with the opportunity to spend made available to you. So it's passion, it's opportunity, and then it's talent all converging at one time. And so the reason why I coach is because I believe every person has destiny. Every person has that place of convergence, of talent, passion and opportunity. But they simply don't have the groundwork, the framework or the neutral ground to identify where those three needs. Where does that intersection happen? And so I coach to help people get to that place of intersection so they can walk in destiny. So I do what I do because I want people to be fulfilled in their lives and their work and their leadership. However, whatever, wherever they they lie or wherever they live. I want them to be the most fulfilled and the most satisfied. And the best way to do that is to walk in that place of destiny.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Beautifully described, and I'm pretty sure you coach a lot throughout the day and the week and and not just coaching individuals, but also coaching your own team members. Where do you. Have you ever. And I want you to disclose anything confidential or any names for certain. But have you ever coached someone where you have to draw a line where you're like, okay, this is out of my wheelhouse? Or This is this is we're not going to discuss that or whatever it may be. Where do you draw that line?

Tolu Akande:
You know, there's a few examples that come to mind or maybe say one or two at times in a coaching engagement. You start to realize where there are patterns that cannot be broken by the client themselves and they also realize it, meaning, hey, I'm not able to move forward. And you've coached all you can, coach. You've done all that you know to do. You remain neutral. You've tried to do that your best to empower them. But they keep coming against these things that are holding them back from being their best selves or maybe haunting them in certain ways. And you realize this may be a need for therapy or counseling, psychiatry, psychology, which is outside of my wheelhouse as a trained professional coach. And so in those situations, I've had to say, here are the patterns that I'm noticing. And I ask the client to reflect on those patterns. And then I say, I'm identifying these patterns and behaviors as something that are outside of my wheelhouse. To be able to help you go to that next level in your life, career, leadership, etc.. What do you think about other professional services helping you? Because I'm at a point where I'm not able to help you the way that I would like to. And then usually they're able to come to their own conclusions and say, You know what, this seems out of the bounds of what coaching is because I'm not able to tackle this on my own from what I can see. And so in those situations, then they start to look for outside opportunities like therapy, counseling, etc., which are wonderful to have and actually done coupled with coaching can have a real breakthrough in a person's life, career or leadership. So that's an example. The second example is, you know, at times, you know, we really have to make sure that the client coach relationship really stays platonic, it stays neutral, and it doesn't become a time where there's unnecessary emotional feelings. So I have had the opportunity in the past to say, this seems a little out of bounds. Let's maybe end the agreement here because we're outside of what the agreement was in the very beginning.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
That is beautifully said. And what I also heard you say is that coaching does not equal therapy. Coaching does not equal giving advice. Coaching does not equal consulting having a counselor. And if I don't know how to address this this question, I'm just going to say out the way that it comes to me. How do you address it with when you see a coach that is actually doing that? How do you address that?

Tolu Akande:
Well, one, I tried to affirm that everyone has skills and those skills are valuable. Now we just have to know where. Where are those skills the most applicable to be the most effective? Right. And so all of us are in our various functions, whether that be in our family structures and volunteer activities, the professional work environment. And each of the skills that we bring to the table have great efficacy in different places. And so what I say is that skill of mentorship or that skill of bringing ideas to the table or that skill of consulting are really good. But here's how they differ from coaching. And in order in order for us to know how to maximize your skills, let's call out what you do well versus this other thing or these other things. And let's point out how you can maximize what you do. I can maximize what I do, and then we can leverage the totality of our forces, our powers combined, so to speak, to really be of service and help to the world. And so it's not necessarily about diminishing what they do, but calling to attention what it is that they do, what it is that I do, and then saying, here's how we can all flourish in our various niches.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Yes, beautiful. What's your biggest pet peeve?

Tolu Akande:
Oh. You know, for me personally, I always say coaching is the greatest act of self control. And the reason why I say that is because when I come into coaching sessions with my clients, whether it be a group or individual, I am. Purposefully pulling back what totally wants to jump in and say, you should do this, you should do that, or I have experience. You got to do that. I'm purposely pulling that back because I want them to explore or have that buy in coming to their own learning and and evoke that awareness in them. It's my biggest pet peeve at times can be outside of the coaching relationship is where I want so much for someone but they don't necessarily want it for themselves or they don't want it for their teams. And so my pet peeve is like, Oh, I want to help you, but you don't want it. And so my, I've had to really learn in coaching to pull that back. But then in life I've also had to learn to pull that back as well because I can't want more than what people want for themselves.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
I wonder how many people connect to exactly what you just said. Right. Because I think as specifically if you're the caring, kind of knowledgeable person, you you it's easy when you're disassociating your outside looking from the outside in of what's happening. But as a coach, that's not our job to say you need to do this, this and this, and you know what? Just go and do it for you, because it'll be easy for me to do it.

Tolu Akande:
Exactly. Exactly. You know, that's such a start, right? You know, that's why I kind of mentioned that self control in the very beginning is the skill. It actually is a skill to restrain from saying what you think people should do. Because the fact of the matter is, many times it actually may be something good, it may be something helpful, it actually may propel them to that next step. But again, it's not coaching and it takes away from them their ability to create their own plan, to create their own system, to create their own strategy, so that when you're not in the room as coach or as person, that can flourish without you.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Yeah. You mentioned earlier group coaching. Then you mentioned coaching. What's the difference?

Tolu Akande:
Wonderful question. This gets confused all the time. So group coaching is can be a group of individuals who are at different stages of life, career and leadership coming together because they want to work on an individual purpose together. So for example, I could have new managers from ten different industries at ten different levels, but their new managers, ones in retail, ones in finance, ones in legal, ones in merchandizing, where the case may be now they're coming together because it's helpful. There's a coach in the room, there's a level of accountability, but they're all working to achieve in their verticals. So they're a group, but they're working individually in their verticals where a team becomes is that the team or the collection of individuals? Is one client meaning that team is going after a certain purpose, a certain goal. It's not a group of individuals doing their own thing, but working collectively to achieve a synonymous purpose or project or goal. And so the difference is individual coming individuals coming together for individual purposes versus individuals coming together for one team purpose.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Great explanation. Love it. I get that question a lot and I feel like group coaching has been out there for quite some time. Team coaching seems to be more of a newer concept. Would that be fair to say?

Tolu Akande:
I would say so. Of course, people have been doing it both for years and years. But I would agree with that point of, hey, we need to start to think collectively as a team. A lot of times in corporate organizations and organizations in general, we have a hero complex meaning there are individuals who stand out, do the best, and they are the ones that succeed. But I think we're starting to realize specifically with the Millennial and Gen Z generations is that they're looking for that cohesive team environment where people are working toward collective goals and we're all operating in our various strengths to accomplish together. And that has been, I think, where we've seen the rise in team coaching with that collective mindset toward a certain goal, realizing the answers are within the group, we can tap into each other's strengths. We can achieve at a faster rate.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Yes. So with with you being a coach for individuals, a team coach, a group coach, a leader of a of a coaching department. A father of three.

Tolu Akande:
That's right. Father three.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Father of three. And and I know that you're going through some extensive educational studies as well, have a lot of hats that you're wearing. What would you say? If you look at all of the hats that you're wearing, what would you say is like the overarching success pattern that drives you?

Tolu Akande:
Well, that's a great question. You know, for me, I think it's the fact that I want to empower every person that I come into to make sound decisions that lead them into their destiny. So I talk about that destiny of destiny before passion, talent and opportunity, that convergence there. And so when I think about my children, I think as they grow older, how can I empower them to live and walk in their destiny? That that passion, that talent, the opportunity, how do they leverage who they are, what they did? Well, their backgrounds and what's in front of them to live out the best way so that they can be the most impactful to the world. That's the thing about for my teams, the organizations that I'm a part of. So that overarching thing is empower individuals and teams to live in the place of destiny.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Beautiful and your kids are more than lucky. And I don't know if luck has anything to do with it to have you as a dad.

Tolu Akande:
Thank you so much. I appreciate that.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Wow. I mean, they they're in a very special position now. You came bearing gifts. Tolu Share was what you came and brought for the listeners.

Tolu Akande:
Yes. So I'm passionate about exploring and exposing people to coaching. Right. Really passionate about that because I was giving remember at the very beginning, I talked about my my coach and my coach didn't charge me a dime. Now. Now, that was something that was just huge. And I also realize the value of giving and paying people what they're worth. But I want to give that exposure. So if you go to totally coaches dot com back slash free there's a strategy session for me or someone on my team that I want to give to a few listeners. And so if you go ahead and go to that website, so the coach Cars.com backslash free, you will come into a site where you can see some openings and you can register for a coaching strategy session by week by me or someone else on my team to experience one coaching session and see if that's something that makes sense for you. And it's there's no obligation. There's no you've got to do three months. We're not going to follow up with you 15,000 times or that we're just going to say, here's an exposure to what coaching is like. And experience in one session how you can accelerate growth through the accomplishment of goals via coaching. So just want to throw that out there to our listeners today.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
What an incredible gift. And guys, if you've never met Tolu in person, you do want to grab that gift. As it is. Getting to know you as a person has had an immense impact on my life and total. I am forever grateful that our paths have crossed and continue to cross. And we work together. We've shared stages together. That was fun.

Tolu Akande:
Absolutely. It's been my pleasure to know you as well.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Yes. Thank you. So more of that. So guys, go to Tulu Tolo Tolo VOA CHC Gqom Tolo Cottages.com and grab your gift there. Get with Tolo. You will absolutely love it. And I do not say that lightly. Thank you for being here. Social media. How do people find your social media?

Tolu Akande:
Yeah. So basically everything is at Tolu coaches. So if you find on Instagram, you can find me to coaches on LinkedIn. I probably say those are the two main places I would love to direct you to. And of course, totally cottages.com is the website.

Brigitta Hoeferle:
Okay. Fantastic. All right, guys, get with Tilda. Thank you for taking the time. In the back yard. It's not your back yard, but for some, they might get it. Thank you for being here. We will see each other again next week. Same time, same place for the Success Pattern Show. Thanks, guys. Thank you for tuning in to the Success Pattern Show at www.TheSuccessPatternsShow.com My name is Brigitta Hoeferle.

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